my journey to be my best self

Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

can you keep a man on the backburner?

In relationships, Uncategorized on July 12, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Maybe.  But for how long?  A man will only take no for an answer for so long.  And then he will undoubtedly ask someone likely to say yes.  Then what?  We’re left saying damn, he could have been mine.  But if we were bound to be upset when someone else says yes why didn’t we just say yes long ago?

  1. We think he will always be there, waiting.
  2. We don’t believe his other relationships are serious and that if we decide we want to be with him he will make himself available.
  3. We don’t want to settle.
  4. No matter how many boxes we can check off with him he’s not the one.

Then why do we care when someone snatches him up:

  1. Because we’re still alone.  And it was more fun being alone together.

Lesson: treat relationships like everything else in life worth having – if you want it, go for it. If you don’t, don’t waste time thinking/talking about it when you could be figuring out how to get what you actually want.

Salty – for no reason.


rehearsal dinner: speech time

In relationships, Uncategorized on April 30, 2011 at 10:27 am

I was asked to give a speech at the rehearsal dinner.  It should be easy but what do you say about your best friend of 25 years when you have just a few minutes?  This is what I came up with:

One of the earliest memories I have of Tara is in kindergarten.  She and I were at Langley School and one day our parents received a phone call from our teacher, Mrs. Grossi explaining that Tara and I had been sneaking into the bathroom during lessons and she didn’t know what we had been doing in there.

If you must know, we were daring each other (and then another girl in our class) to show our butts.  Every day.  And at this point, I don’t even know if we ever got up the nerve to pull our pants down or not.  I just know that that was the very beginning of getting in trouble with Tara.

Tara and I have been friends for almost 25 years now. And when I told someone that we were friends from kindergarten but only continued at Langley together for one more year, first grade, she asked: “how did you remain friends?”  Good question.  I had never thought about it.  The most important thing is that we did.

Tara is not only my oldest friend, but also my best friend.  And all of you know Tara well enough to know why.  Aside from being beautiful, she is a smart and interesting woman.  She is thoughtful and considerate and makes everyone feel special.

I have been on a long journey with Tara and I am excited to be at this part of the path with her.  Every time I see Dre I am reminded how loving and caring he is (and it’s no surprise since his family is so wonderful) and it makes me really happy that Tara has found the perfect man.

This is a long way from playing with Barbie (by the way Tara had more Barbies than any one girl should have).  Barbie had a dream house, a convertible and Ken.  And at 6 years old it couldn’t get much better.  But here we are many many many years later and Tara has just one upped Barbie!  She has  Dre!

I can’t wait for Tara’s Dream Wedding in just a few more hours.

founder’s day: where would i be without spelman?

In relationships, Uncategorized on April 11, 2011 at 10:55 am












I am ashamed to say that I don’t know the Spelman Hymn. It is absolutely shameful. And until now, the only person who knew was Tiffany. We had to memorize it during orientation before freshman year but somehow I never really did (I hummed when I got to the parts I didn’t know). When my sisters held hands and sang it at the Founder’s Day brunch I remembered why I love Spelman. Theses are my Top 10 Spelman Memories:

10: Spelbound: knowing my best friends before school started.

9: Freshman Orientation: walking under the arch, saying my name in Sister’s Chapel, Olive Branch.

8: The caf: staying in there with 10 girls from breakfast to lunch singing along to the songs in rotation.

7:  Market Friday and Beer Bashes: seeing Daria and Tiffany hanging out of their windows, screaming at everyone who walked by.

6: The Strip: eating grilled cheeses from Steagal’s never got old.

5: Party Shuttle: almost getting run over with Saida (was probably my last time on the shuttle).

4. Homecoming Freshman Year (in the parking lot, which is no longer there): drinking out of a red cup all day. I’m pretty sure I had to take a nap on Daria’s floor after and she gave me milk (out of her forbidden refrigerator).

3. The gate: seeing who is getting dropped off and picked up, sitting in the car outside of Manley with Tiffany waiting to catch a girlfriend with her secret lover.

2. Miss Maroon and White: witnessing Saida’s transformation to beauty queen.

1. Class Day: running and screaming under the arch with the same girls I came in with

Honorable Mentions:

  • Cramming into the car and singing Akinyele on stage with Tiffany our first night out after getting our keys. Where was that party? (I was wearing a neon shirt).
  • Eating birthday cake at 3 am until the sound of bb guns ended the party at Mimi and Percy’s house.
  • Escaping with Tosha Key after overhearing the word “rope” late night after Studio Central.
  • Sneaking into Karma though the back door with Nikki.
  • Wandering though the streets of New Orleans for Mardi Gras with Nikki, Liza and Rainey.
  • Going topless in Miami during Spring Break.
  • Walking to BP in Nikki’s (too big) clothes and shoes to get Gatorade after a night out with Bridget, Natalie, Tunu, Tiffany and Nikki
  • Dating a local for my last few weeks in Atlanta.












What are your favoriteSpelman/Atlanta memories?







reading: it’s fundamental

In relationships, Uncategorized on March 16, 2011 at 11:01 pm

There is a new phenomenon where men no longer read.  Maybe it’s not really a phenomenon.  Maybe I’m just expecting too much.  Really? I met a man and the first time we went out I asked him what the last thing he read was and he said, “I don’t read.”  He’s a 32 year old black man, he went to Syracuse and has been working as an accountant in Boston for the last 5 years.  So it’s impossible he can’t read, right?  When I asked him what he meant he said he probably hasn’t read since junior high school. Damn. That first date should have probably been the last date.

The next time we had dinner (at my apartment because I can’t eat out) we were talking about movies and I asked him if he realized that the heist in The Town mirrored the heist in the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum.  He was silent. So I asked if he knew about the heist and he said he hadn’t. Ok. But when I asked if he had been to the museum he said he had never been.  He said he doesn’t like art.  Wow.  The worst part is when I asked him what he is interested he said, “men spend 90% of their time trying to get at girls: getting haircuts, washing their cars.” 90%? No. That can’t be right.  So I started thinking about all of the men I know.  They all have interests. Period.  So I tried to ask him in another way, explaining his interests don’t have to be my interests.  After a long, exhausting conversation I came to the conclusion he has no interests.  And if he has not interests I cannot be interested in him.

At least I have my friends at home.  Last night I attended Artini, an event hosted by the 1869 Society benefiting the Corcoran Art Gallery at Tabard Inn.  Each participating venue features a martini inspired by a piece of art and they donate 20% of its bar sales to support upcoming exhibitions at the Corcoran. Perfect. I like art and I like martinis.

We left there and went to Twins Jazz on U Street.  To see/hear some jazz click here:

Besides the fact that there was a $10 cover charge that I didn’t know about until the bill for my rum punch came, I enjoyed a night of jazz in a dark, intimate room with friends.  I am most grateful that I have friends that I can spend nights like these with.  Because it’s not looking good with the people I am meeting in Boston.  At least the men.